LUMOZA

//Oh, look at you lot. You’re all so vacant. Is it nice not being me? It must be so relaxing."
-- Sherlock

"Dear God, what is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring!"
-- Sherlock

"I’m not a psychopath, I’m a highly functioning sociopath. Do your research."
-- Sherlock (to Anderson)

"We’ve got a serial killer! Love those, there’s always something to look forward to."
-- Sherlock

"Mrs Hudson took my skull."
-- Sherlock

Donovan: "Are these human eyes?"
Sherlock: "Put those back!"
Donovan: "They were in the microwave!"
Sherlock: "It’s an experiment!"

Sherlock: "Shut up."
Lestrade: "I didn’t say anyth-- "
Sherlock: "You were thinking. It’s annoying."

"Anderson, don’t talk out loud, you lower the IQ of the entire street."
-- Sherlock

Sherlock: "Shut up everybody, shut up! Don’t move, don’t speak, don’t breathe, I’m trying to think. Anderson, face the other way, you’re putting me off."
Anderson: "What, my face is?"
Lestrade: "Everyboody, quiet. Anderson, turn your back."
Anderson: "Oh, for God’s sake..."
Lestrade: "Your back! Now, please!"

John: "That...was amazing."
Sherlock: "Do you think so?"
John: "Of course it was, it was extraordinary. It was quite extraordinary."
Sherlock: "That’s not what people normally say."
John: "What do people normally say?"
Sherlock: "Piss off."

John: "That’s fantastic!"
Sherlock: "Do you know you do that out loud?"
John: "Sorry, I’ll shut up."
Sherlock: "No, it’s... fine."

John: "You have a girlfriend?"
Sherlock: "Girls not really my area."
John: "Oh...so do you have a boyfriend? Which is fine."
Sherlock: "I know it’s fine."
John: "So you have a boyfriend."
Sherlock: "No."
John: "Oh, okay. So you’re unattatched then. Just like me. Fine, good."
Sherlock: "... John, erm... I think you should know that I consider myself married to my work, and while I’m flattered I’m not really looking for any-- "
John: "No, no, that’s not what I... no! I’m just saying... it’s all fine."
Sherlock: "... Good. Thank you."

"The game, Mrs Hudson, is on."
-- Sherlock

Sherlock: "A friend?"
John: "Well, an enemy."
Sherlock: "Oh! Which one?"

John: "Where did you get this? Detective Inspector Lestrade?"
Sherlock: "I pickpocket him when he’s annoying."

"We can’t giggle, it’s a crime scene."
-- John

John: "This is how you get your kicks, isn’t it? You risk your life to prove you’re clever."
Sherlock: "Why would I do that?"
John: "Because you’re an idiot."

"And since yesterday you’ve moved in with him and now you’re solving crimes together. Might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?"
-- Mycroft

Sherlock: "If you were dying, if you were murdered, in the very last seconds, what would you say?"
John: "Please God, let me live."
Sherlock: "Use your imagination."
John: "I don’t have to."

"Look, I’m in shock, I have a blanket."
-- Sherlock



1.03 "The Great Game"


Sherlock: "Just tell me what happened from the beginning."
Barry: "We’ve been to a bar, a nice place, and I was chattin' with one of the waitresses and Karen weren’t happy with that, so we got back to the hotel and ended up having a bit of a ding dong, didn’t we? She was gettin' at me, saying I weren’t a real man-- "
Sherlock: "Wasn’t."
Barry: "What?"
Sherlock: "It’s not weren’t, it’s wasn’t."
Barry: "Oh..."
Sherlock: "Go on."
Barry: "Well, then I don’t know how it happened but suddenly there’s a knife in my hands. And you know, my old man was a butcher so I know how to handle knives. He learned us how to cut up a piece-- "
Sherlock: "Taught."
Barry: "What?"
Sherlock: "Taught you how to cut up a piece."
Barry: "Yeah, well, then I done it."
Sherlock: "Did it."
Barry: "I stabbed her over and over and over and I looked at her and she weren’t-- ... wasn’t movin' no more. Any more."

Barry: "Hey, you gotta help me, Mr. Holmes! Everyone says you’re the best. Without you... I’ll get hung for this."
Sherlock: "No, no, Mr. Bewick, not at all. Hanged, yes."

John: "There’s a head in the fridge. A bloody head!"
Sherlock: "Where else was I supposed to put it?"

John: "A severed head!"
Sherlock: "Just tea for me, thanks."

John: "What the hell are you doing?!"
Sherlock: "Bored."
John: "...what?"
Sherlock: "Bored!"
He shoots the wall.
Sherlock: "Bored!"
And again.
Sherlock: "Bored! I don’t know what’s gotten into the criminal classes, good job I’m not one of them."
John: "So you take it out on the wall?"
Sherlock: "Oh, the wall had it coming."

"Oh hell, what does it matter?! So we go round the sun — if we went round the moon or... round and round the garden like a teddy bear, it wouldn’t make any difference."
-- Sherlock

Sherlock: "Look at that, Mrs. Hudson. Quiet, calm, peaceful... isn’t it hateful?"
Mrs. Hudson: "Oh, I’m sure something will turn up, Sherlock. A nice murder, that’ll cheer you up."

Sherlock: "You read his blog?"
Lestrade: "'Course I read his blog, we all do! Do you really not know that the earth goes around the sun?"

Lestrade: "But what’s this got to do with that painting? I don’t see-- "
Sherlock: "You do see, you just don’t observe!"
John: "Alright! Alright, girls, calm down."

John: "Fantastic."
Sherlock: "Meretricious."
Lestrade: "And happy new year."

"Oh, so you meant spectacularly ignorant in a nice way."
-- Sherlock

John: "So why is he doing this then? Playing this game with you? Do you think he wants to be caught?"
Sherlock: "I think he wants to be distracted."
John: "Well, I hope you’ll be very happy together."
Sherlock: "...sorry, what?"
John: "There are lives at stake, Sherlock! Actual human lives! Just so I know, do you care about that at all?"
Sherlock: "Would caring about them help to save them?"
John: "No."
Sherlock: "Then I’ll continue not to make that mistake."
John: "And you find that easy, do you?"
Sherlock: "Yes, very. Is that news to you?"
John: "No... no."
Sherlock: "... I’ve disappointed you."
John: "It’s good. It’s a good deduction, yes."
Sherlock: "Don’t make people into heroes, John: heroes don’t exist, and if they did I wouldn’t be one of them."

"Let him go or I will kill you."
-- John (to the Golem)

"Why does anyone do anything? Because I’m bored. We were made for each other, Sherlock."
-- Jim Moriarty (through victim #2)

Jim Moriarty: "I will burn the heart out of you."
Sherlock: "I have been reliably informed that I don’t have one."
Jim Moriarty: "Oh, but we both know that’s not quite true."

Sherlock: "People have died."
Jim Moriarty: "That’s what people do!"

John: "You, ripping off my clothes in a darkened swimming pool. People might talk."
Sherlock: "People do little else."